All of us have been faced with the issue of whether or not to forgive someone, or perhaps have been in the situation where being forgiven was the issue, but what does this really mean? What are the implications of forgiving or otherwise?

To be human is to be in relationship – relationship with family, friends, lovers, work colleagues and society in general. In all relationship comes expectation; expectation that you will be fairly treated, respected, loved or a plethora of other expectations. We believe that when these expectations are met, harmony will endure.

Yet these expectations are all based on our own unique understanding of what we expect to receive from the relationship; deliberately or not we then judge the other in the relationship as to whether or not they have lived up to one’s expectations. Failure to meet these expectations on the other’s behalf brings with it rejection based on one’s expectations not being met; we use words like hurt, anger, surprise, disappointment and bewilderment to describe our disappointment, then perhaps we annul the relationship based on the other’s acts and actions, in other words Not Forgive.

But why take this stance? Is it reasonable to suggest that the ego is in play? I am hurt, I have been dishonoured, you have cheated on me by sleeping with another. These and other statements are driven by the ego. The thought of self creates the impression that the self is hurt. (But is it really?) Consider that the actions of the other were most likely brought about by their ego, their selfish interests, with little or no concern for the impact on you. But why should they? Why should they consider you, who said they have to consider others? Think for a little while. Have you always acted in full consideration of others? (I think not.) Let us assume that at some point you have made a mistake that warrants forgiveness from another, would you not be grateful for that person’s forgiveness? Please consider.

As the Author of this paper, I reveal that I have worked in a professional vocation for the last decade with thousands of clients all in different states of confusion, hurt and pain, even despair and depression largely based on the actions of others; or to put it another way were not forgiving others and were duly suffering the consequences of their non-forgiveness. What I have begun to recognize with most, if not all of these clients, is their lack of ownership in their part of the scenario that brought on the situation, but also the ongoing dilemma that they were contributing to by their stubbornness to not move on to forgiveness. Further to that, time and time again as the sessions progressed, the clients revealed all sorts of instances and actions they have taken with others or how they have impacted on others, without a single thought of the harm (be it psychological or otherwise) to others; in fact they justify their actions with a righteousness almost biblical in intensity.

Question: If I can find a justification for all of my actions, words and deeds that have impacted on others, why can I not justify (forgive) the actions, words, deeds of others that have impacted on me?

Forgiveness is a choice. Please consider there is no one reason more valid than another to forgive or not forgive someone. There is no reason to forgive. Perhaps the action of Forgiveness is in itself nothing but an illusion, an act of the ego, in the same way we chose to have our ego hurt to begin with.

For those struggling with this concept of the illusion of self or ego, let me ask you to perform a small, easy task. Please point out to me where the ego is situated on your body and where your thoughts emanate from (then send me an accurate diagram). Lol 🙂

If we consider that forgiveness or non-forgiveness are both acts of ego, which is based on thought and mind and lives only as feelings derived from the past (which only exists as memory, which at best could be unreliable), we can consider the folly of being held to ransom by the feelings and health issues related to not forgiving when compared to the results, benefits or measurements of forgiveness.

When one is unforgiving the emotional damage accumulates from Anger (which affects the liver), Procrastination, which is fear (affects the kidney and gall bladder), Stress; it lowers our vibrational energy, which in turn allows disease to take hold, and on to depression, OCD and possible cancer, not to mention all the negative measurements of a dysfunctional personality and its relationship to others.

May I put forward what I consider a powerful personal observation?

Lack of forgiveness creates an attachment to the situation. In Buddhist principles (which I completely agree with) we are taught that any attachment brings with it sorrow. The attachment to another person’s acts will bring sorrow, but further to that the emotion or action committed towards you, adheres itself to your personality, in the same way that wet paint stains your hand if you touch it. If someone has acted violently towards you, it creates violence within you; if someone has judged you unfairly you become suspicious and judge others unfairly; if someone is disloyal to you it breeds lack of loyalty; if someone has cheated you, you become dishonest in your actions; and so on it goes. Whatever you hold onto in the act of non-forgiveness will adhere itself to you like a fungus or cancer and recreate itself in your personality, ultimately destroying your life.

Now that’s a powerful reason to forgive!

End Note:

Over the years I have developed a powerful meditation, where I take the client into a situation where forgiveness is given to those in our life. Interestingly the final result in this meditation is the same for everyone, provided they stick with the meditation to completion (which may take numerous attempts).

To assist the healing I use two powerful oil blends, “Release” and “Forgiveness”. You can obtain these oils via The Reiki Garden.

If you want to purchase these oils via The Reiki Garden Oils Club please contact us either by phone or email and we can organize it for you. As a measurement of my commitment to our club members, once you have your oils please get in touch and I will coach you through my meditation free of charge for your initial session. This offer is valid until the end of April 2014.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Remember to forgive (it’s good for you).

Love Shaun